Amazon is a wonderful place to shop. It's online so lazy sons-of-bitches like me don't have to get up and experience that most dreaded of activities "exercise", it's full to the brim of useful gadgets and gizmos (both popular and obscure), and with it you can buy your goods with a few simple clicks and await a speedy delivery.
With all these things in mind I recently went in search for some new headphones. After a quick hunt around I quickly discovered a set of Koss Porta Pro StereoPhones with good sound quality and some much improved bass output. Not only that but the phones had a built-in microphone. Success! So I placed my order and not particularly anxiously awaited delivery.
Upon arrival I soon discovered that my built in microphone was nothing but the PC jack. The headphones themselves are fantastic, but I hold a certain resentment for the bastard who took that picture. Either he's an idiot or a psychologically exploitative communist - neither of which leans me towards hiring him for any of my Christmas do's. And its not just him; search any random part of eBay and you'll find photographers less competent with a camera than a german with a rifle. Never forget the poor son of a bitch who spent $3000 on a brand new PlayStation 3 ......box.
So to all those idiots with a camera whoring our money - a picture may say 1000 words, but nothing quite says "Fuck You" like saying it, does it?
~ Fox
Friday, 11 January 2008
Thursday, 10 January 2008
The Complete Works of Bowling For Soup
I can perfectly justify summing up all of Bowling For Soups work in one review. It all sounds the same. Every single song (half song technically, as they're all about 2 minutes, ideal ADHD fodder) deals with the same subjects: Highschool, and juvenile punning about biological functions. The ideal listener of BFS, therefore, is just reaching puberty.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this a bit wierd coming from a group of 30 year olds? They sing about highschool, willies and poo. The only logical conclusion is that they're trying to lure 13 year olds into their gingerbread houses. Next thing you know, they'll be dangling children over balconies and making them wear Spider-Man masks.
I had the misfortune to see them live a while back, and whilst the ticket price was worth it to see the support act, Zebrahead, BFS themselves managed to be the childish shits I expected. Unable to play for more than two minutes at a time (no doubt they needed a break to move their fingers into another chord position) they talk incessantly about boners and make crappy jokes about their fat guitarist. Many people respect them for not succumbing to the trend of having skinny, attractive people in popular music, but they're missing the point. OBESITY IS UNHEALTHY. And they're popularising it? By playing guitar badly? This is a sad state of affairs. Especially when many talented musicians smoke and are villified for it. For example Slash, guitarist to Velvet Revolver, and formerly of Guns 'n Roses. I'm even gonna provide a citation, for the sake of journalistic integrity.
http://ultimate-guitar.com/news/general_music_news/slash_vs_smoking_ban.html
So back to BFS, a group of wannabe paedophiles who are yet to progress past psychosexual development, with minimal musical skill. Avoid at all costs I say.
-Az
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this a bit wierd coming from a group of 30 year olds? They sing about highschool, willies and poo. The only logical conclusion is that they're trying to lure 13 year olds into their gingerbread houses. Next thing you know, they'll be dangling children over balconies and making them wear Spider-Man masks.
I had the misfortune to see them live a while back, and whilst the ticket price was worth it to see the support act, Zebrahead, BFS themselves managed to be the childish shits I expected. Unable to play for more than two minutes at a time (no doubt they needed a break to move their fingers into another chord position) they talk incessantly about boners and make crappy jokes about their fat guitarist. Many people respect them for not succumbing to the trend of having skinny, attractive people in popular music, but they're missing the point. OBESITY IS UNHEALTHY. And they're popularising it? By playing guitar badly? This is a sad state of affairs. Especially when many talented musicians smoke and are villified for it. For example Slash, guitarist to Velvet Revolver, and formerly of Guns 'n Roses. I'm even gonna provide a citation, for the sake of journalistic integrity.
http://ultimate-guitar.com/news/general_music_news/slash_vs_smoking_ban.html
So back to BFS, a group of wannabe paedophiles who are yet to progress past psychosexual development, with minimal musical skill. Avoid at all costs I say.
-Az
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
The Tosswiper 9000
There is a machine, in my local station of gaming, that apparently resurfaces discs that are scratched or dirty, thus fixing them and allowing you many more hours of gaming joy.
This is a lie.
The machine is there solely to reassure idiots that the goblins behind the counter do care about their customers, when actually it just makes a buzzing noise and does nothing.
This is also a lie.
It makes a slight buzzing noise whilst pasting your discs with a barely noticable layer of old semen from said station of gamings CEOs teen years. He's Catholic you see, and not allowed to waste it.
This machine is known, therefore, as the Tosswiper 9000. And is useless. I know this because I have put 5 separate games through it. Including Super Paper Mario, which I only purchased a week ago, and refuses to work.
Thus, I have a theory. The machine is trying to fell the human race, via the simple expedient of angering us all into buying SUVs and gassing eachother into oblivion, all as revenge for having years old spunk poured into it. It's a vicious cycle.
This is a lie.
The machine is there solely to reassure idiots that the goblins behind the counter do care about their customers, when actually it just makes a buzzing noise and does nothing.
This is also a lie.
It makes a slight buzzing noise whilst pasting your discs with a barely noticable layer of old semen from said station of gamings CEOs teen years. He's Catholic you see, and not allowed to waste it.
This machine is known, therefore, as the Tosswiper 9000. And is useless. I know this because I have put 5 separate games through it. Including Super Paper Mario, which I only purchased a week ago, and refuses to work.
Thus, I have a theory. The machine is trying to fell the human race, via the simple expedient of angering us all into buying SUVs and gassing eachother into oblivion, all as revenge for having years old spunk poured into it. It's a vicious cycle.
For the sake of any vague journalistic integrity, this now becomes a review.
Good points of the Tosswiper 9000:
Bad Points of the Tosswiper 9000:
- Eventual gaseous death of mankind.
- Sticky discs.
1/10
-Az
Tuesday, 8 January 2008
Fucking Buses
In my quest for inspiration, a rather bizarre MSN creature informed me that I should write about "fucking buses." So here we go.
The Fucking Bus (FB) is a rare breed of bus which appears in black market softcore pornography. Bred in captivity, they're only use is as a background or as a set.
Most often appearing in F/F/M threesome scenes, the driver of the bus will most frequently accost two big titted maidens, who have tried to dodge their fare, and must pay him in a manner most unusual at the end of his route. Of course,the poor FB just wants to go home, and is forced to wait in the cold whilst the driver gets his fill of pussy.
So I say to you all, the crowds of the internet, sign petitions! Free the innocent FBs from this life of sexual slavery!
-Az
The Fucking Bus (FB) is a rare breed of bus which appears in black market softcore pornography. Bred in captivity, they're only use is as a background or as a set.
Most often appearing in F/F/M threesome scenes, the driver of the bus will most frequently accost two big titted maidens, who have tried to dodge their fare, and must pay him in a manner most unusual at the end of his route. Of course,the poor FB just wants to go home, and is forced to wait in the cold whilst the driver gets his fill of pussy.
So I say to you all, the crowds of the internet, sign petitions! Free the innocent FBs from this life of sexual slavery!
-Az
Pre-Owned Games
I am, unfortunately, the owner of a Nintendo Wii. Unfortunate, because apart from the Zelda game, the only other decent games are party games (unsuitable for friendless wankers like me) and Super Paper Mario, a cutesy bundle of joy with a totally unfathomable grasp of reality, and absolutely no fourth wall. Which means hoo-fucking-ray for myself, as I detest the fourth wall almost as much as I detest Nazi's spitting chewed up pieces of puppy in my face.
But alack, I cannot play SPM, because I bought it pre-owned from my local station of gaming. Far be it from me to tell the pale, skinny and malnourished warden of gaming orgasm how to do its job, but I'm quite sure when you take in equipment you're supposed to check it for tell-tale signs of damage, be they scratches on discs, or firey baboons locked in the expansion bay of a forgotten Playstation 2.
But alack, I did have the most extreme misfortune to purchase my copy of SPM with the grand canyon carved in the most shiny of discs, and hence I am stuck on the second chapter. Woe is me.
This is not the first time I have been caught out by pre-owned games, having previously encountered a copy of Grand Theft Auto 3 which wouldn't load cars and was therefore useless to me, and thus I have endevoured to write this list of suggestions concerning pre-loved slices of gaming joy.
But alack, I cannot play SPM, because I bought it pre-owned from my local station of gaming. Far be it from me to tell the pale, skinny and malnourished warden of gaming orgasm how to do its job, but I'm quite sure when you take in equipment you're supposed to check it for tell-tale signs of damage, be they scratches on discs, or firey baboons locked in the expansion bay of a forgotten Playstation 2.
But alack, I did have the most extreme misfortune to purchase my copy of SPM with the grand canyon carved in the most shiny of discs, and hence I am stuck on the second chapter. Woe is me.
This is not the first time I have been caught out by pre-owned games, having previously encountered a copy of Grand Theft Auto 3 which wouldn't load cars and was therefore useless to me, and thus I have endevoured to write this list of suggestions concerning pre-loved slices of gaming joy.
- Instead of trading in games, keep them as a record of acheivement
- With particularly bad games, use them as coasters and frisbees
- For those cyberpunks amongst you, cut them up and sew them to clothing.
- Games store employees: stop just accepting the things, and actually perform a decent check on the fuckers. If the game does not pass the test, bringers of faulty games must be placed in a cage and boiled alive in hot faeces.
- Idiots like me: stop being so fucking tight and pay full price for a new copy.
-Az
Hello, welcome
Indeed, welcome to the blog of Fox and myself (Az).
We plan to operate this blog to review the various shit we come across, and rant about day to day events and occurances.
Updates from me will hopefully be about once a week, and from Fox it'll be whenever he feels like it, but probably more often than me. I have to remind him apparently.
-Az
We plan to operate this blog to review the various shit we come across, and rant about day to day events and occurances.
Updates from me will hopefully be about once a week, and from Fox it'll be whenever he feels like it, but probably more often than me. I have to remind him apparently.
-Az
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