Top Ten 09/7/09

1. Cascada - Evacuate the Dancefloor (New)
2. Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror Coffin (New)
3. La Roux - Bulletproof (New)
4. David Guetta - When Love Takes Over
5. Lady Gaga - Paparazzi
6. Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow
7. Agnes - Release Me
8. Keri Hilson - Knock You Down
8. Pixie Lott - Mama Do
10. Michael Jackson - Billie Jean (New)

Cascada - Evacuate the Dancefloor

There are a variety of words to describe this song. Boring is a good one, generic is another. There are so many electronic sounding things in the world at the moment that it's a miracle this got to number one. Generic. Generic voice, generic melody, generic rhythm, generic beat, generic vocal effects, generic lyrics. There's a pointless rap midway through too. So ticking all the political correctness ethnic boxes. Whiteboy electronica, token black rapper. Black and white, like chess, the Ace of Spades, and Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror Coffin

It seems fitting that the video opens with footage of children. NO. BAD. TRY AGAIN.

A heartfelt plea for people all round the world to help those less fortunate, slow instrumentation, a simplistic approach to the meaningful lyrics all spliced in with Jackson's unique voice, layered over a video of various atrocities. And goes a bit gospel halfway. Sounds fine. If it wasn't full of hypocrisy. Every famous musician has enough money to buy Belgium, and I think that together they could end world poverty. But instead, despite what they give to charity, they keep bucketloads for themselves so they can build amusement parks to go with their mansions, the eventual aim being to lure the young children into bed with them. Obviously this is an exageration, nobody in real life would...oh wait.

La Roux - Bulletproof

I actually liked the previous La Roux release, In For The Kill. Which adds to the shame, because this particular attempt falls a bit flat. The argument against 80s synth pop revival gains more credability once you hear this song, especially considering 2 minutes 30 seconds into the damn thing we hear the sound of what can only be described as "Space Bagpipes," the sort of thing George Lucas would have shoehorned into the Star Wars prequels if he'd thought of it first. Oh, and the singer, Elly Jackson, looks like a 12 year old boy. I guess Michael Jackson would have been a fan.

Michael Jackson - Billie Jean

In all honesty I'm suprised only two Jackson songs got into the Top Ten. But anyway, onto Billie Jean. Recorded back when Jackson was still black, this is one of his biggest and most recognisable songs. But somewhat unspectacular. Apart from his voice, barely anything in the bloody song stands out. Some attempts at instrumental excitement are attempted, with occasional bluesy guitar fills, but also the most singularly disappointing guitar solo IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. And the lyric "The kid is not my son." This is all that stands out. And that's only because everybody in the world has heard this song a million fucking times, because everybody believes that Jackson was the best performer ever. Excuse me cuntrags, but before Jackson died weren't you all saying that about Freddie Mercury? Who, incidentally, was also a highly overrated individual.

-Az

P.S. All go out and buy Florence and the Machines single - Rabbit Heart. If you do maybe it'll get into the Top Ten and I'll be able to review a song that I actually like.