Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

This year’s Tivoli Pantomime has, for some bizarre and inexplicable reason, sold brilliantly. The production of ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarves’ by Ron Martin Management has been hailed as brilliant by many reviewers.

I have a distinct feeling that these reviewers saw a different show than the one I saw on 21^st December. Either that or they had Ron Martin himself injecting Lysergic Acid Diethylamide and peyote right into their eyeballs.

From the very start, with an announcement from Ron loaded with ‘umms’ and ‘ ahhs’, the show was an abysmal failure. I know that this is a pantomime, and as such the quality is never going to be great, but when every character is totally unlikeable it’s difficult to have fun. Richie Austin, performing as Muddles, the stereotypical annoying character designed to entertain the adults dragged along to the farce, almost manages to make the show acceptable for human viewing, but alas he fails.

One mental scene, which was the final bullet to the face of theatre, involved a UV cannon, a black stage, and Snow White being seriously menaced by...something. All I saw was a dark stage with mental patients in blue lycra dancing with blankets. A quick question to one of the technical staff revealed this to be Snow White alone in the woods, being menaced by bluebirds and covered in leaves.

There are two problems with this. The first, is the nagging feeling that bluebirds are less menacing than a chocolate éclair, and the second, when you have to ask a member of the technical staff what is happening, it’s a sure bet that the kids don’t understand what’s going on, and therefore will return to eating the programme.

Finally, many of the musical choices (for that, read ALL of the music choices) are dubious at best. Particularly painful are the songs ‘Truly Scrumptious’ delivered by an ear shattering bad children’s choir, and a scene where, for no reason whatsoever, bunnies are dancing in the woods. The whole thing makes as much sense as putting earwax on a trifle because you’ve run out of custard.

An absolute travesty from start to finish, and I honestly vow that if I ever see anything this bad ever again I will have no choice but to unload a full AK-47 clip into the audience in order to spare them the pain.

-Az