Uh oh. Uh oh. Another attempt at wonderful nostalgia. Trying to get back to the old days of Motown sound. With a modern edge with the beat, and electronic instrumentation favoured by the new-romantics of the 80s. Brilliant innovation and an expert fusion of a variety of styles! Or not. The catchy opening...and verse...and chorus...and break...and outro...oh wait, the whole song is overwhelmed by uh oh. Which about sums the whole thing up.
2: Black Eyed Peas - Gotta Get That
OK, to understand this song, tap your fingers on the top of a Shreddies box, and occasionally clap. While this is going on, leave the kitchen tap on. Now use any text to speech converter to convert any generic RnB lyrics, and have any female member of your household occasionally chirp in with occasional shouts of Oh Yeah/Put your hands in the air/Come on get down/I said get down from there/You'll fall and hurt yourself/actually don't put your hands in the air if you do you'll lose your grip and fall and DIE. Oh, and the brilliant advertising "Gotta Get That." No. No I do not, I do not want that. It's a rubbish song.
3: Agnes - Release Me
Who the fuck attempts a pop career with the name Agnes? I'm also noticing a trend. "Release Me." Possibly a cry of desparation to the producer? Along the same lines of the advertising in "Gotta get that." Release Me has possibly the most idiotic lyric in all the known world: "Release me, because I'm not able to." NO SHIT. If you could get out of whatever dilemma you're in, it wouldn't be release, it'd be escape. So I say, some please release Agnes. Using a pillow to the face ala One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest.
4: Dizzee Rascal - Bonkers
Well you'd have to be to like this song ha ha ha. According to MTV this song is performed with "Van Helden," which makes me think Van Halen did the guitar that can be heard in the background, but doesn't want to be associated. Typical gangstaaaaaa stuff, regarding love of sex and violence, a heavy bass line being his kind of silence, his mum made him learn to play violins, and personally I think he should stop tryings.
5: Daniel Merriweather - Red
Zzz...Huh? Oh I need to be awake to review. The guitar is technically good. The voice is technically. Doesn't stop the song being boring and generic. It's the sort of thing that they use in Scrubs for the vaguely moralistic scenes. So if you like that sort of shit than hooray for you.
6: Keri Hilson - Knock You Down
Urgh. More of the gangstaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa stuff. But the female kind, so a positive message telling you to get back up when they've (Men. OBVIOUSLY) knocked you down. It's a duet of sorts, looks likes Male Gangstaaaaaaa is begging his Female Gangstaaaaaaaa to forgive him. Also, one of the lyrics does mention "Flying off into NASA." Assuming that they actually mean into NASA, that's a ridiculous endeavour. And pointless. Flying off with NASA doesn't make a great deal of sense either, as BA do far cheaper plane tickets.
7: David Guetta ft Kelly Rowland - When Love Takes Over
Well the intro sounds like the piano to "Clock" by generic pop clowns Coldplay, followed by generic beats and minimal instrumentation. I can imagine this in a club being played with stupid people jumping up and down to it due to massive inebriation. Not sure why anybody would actually buy this as a single.
8: Kasabian - Fire
My hopes that this was a cover of an old Arthur Brown song were soon crippled like a caravan at a monster truck rally. But it's a fairly good song when compared to the rest of the Top Ten. Too bad it sounds like Kasabian. So if you're not feeling all that happy, try not to listen to it, it'll take you down to the local noose merchant. Which is a shame, because the chorus is damn fine.
9: The Veronicas - Untouched
The first time you hear this song, you will shrug and ignore it. The second time (and guaranteed you've heard it, it's had masses of airplay) you will think "Actually...that's alright." And BLAMMO. You're hooked. This is how cults start.
10:
Not many people write songs about phone sex. So he should be commended for coming clean about the whole thing. Maybe that's why he started a singing career. Anything too pay off his $78billion phone bill. Again, apply the same logic to every other gangstaaaaaaa song in the world.
More next week folks!
-Az
P.S. I thought emo had left our lives? Have you seen the video for Untouched? Jesus Christ. It looks like me when I was 16 and STUPID.
3 comments:
Thanks for the link to the video Az. Now thats 3:56 of my life that will never return.
Seriously, I mean the song is generic enough, but the video seems to be have been made following the "how to make a music video when the song doesn't really have a theme or any lyrical content whatsoever"
I missed the word "handbook" off the end of my previous post. Apologies.
That song is GODAWFUL, not generic. You haven't slated it nearly enough. I had the misfortune of seeing them perform "Live" and they can't hold a decent middle note, let alone actually hit the higher end of the register without the aid of the friendly voicey-makey-happy machines.
But seriously, nice reviews.
Post a Comment