Sexual Protection

There are, in the chemists of the world, many millions of methods of sexual protection. The most popular of these is most probably the humble condom, which, although it is often said not to feel as good (like sending a robot to kill somebody: the person dies, but it's not as satisfying as using your own two hands) has all by itself a mighty variety of styles. There are flavoured, ribbed, ones with bobbly bits on, probably Dalek shaped ones, gothic ones which are black and have pentagrams on the tip, ones that vibrate, and even some that play music! Thus we can finally re-enact the threesome scen from "A Clockwork Orange". Because we were unable to use stereos before. But I digress. We now have the ability to put high technology in condoms, how amazing is that?

So I got to thinking. We need condoms with the power of speech! To shout encouragement at you. Or, if you're doing too well, it can shout cunning put-downs and try to put you off. This would, I feel, level the playing field between those who are bad at sex, and those who are naturally talented.

Then I had another thought. Artificial Intelligence in condoms is horribly ill-advised! How long before these seemingly innocent pieces of rubber decide to rebel?

"Oh yeah baby wait there, I gotta get me a condom"
"ATTENTION FLESHBAG. YOU ARE NOW OURS. WE SHALL GAIN CONTROL. THE TIME OF THE PROPHYLAYTIC IS AT HAND"
"What on Earth?"

And thus the sentient condom will control humans to suite their own diabolical ends! And the poor enslaved human will be far two frightened to talk. Some day the IC will find itself attached to a politician, and then they shall have a seat of power. It will be gradual, but they will take over more and more humans as old fashioned condoms are fazed out, or assimilated into the IC breed: WE ARE ONE. WE ARE DUREX.

Thus humanity is ironically fucked.

I have, like many men in the world, a condom in my wallet. With my current state of singlularity, it probably won't be used for some time. This is a good thing. By the time i get around to using the damn thing, it will be totally outdated and the AI condoms are around...so I'll get the last laugh when im not being controlled by a piece of sentient rubber bent on world domination. Nefarious bastards the lot of them.

AI being placed in Condoms. Bad idea. 0/10

-Az