Students

More specifically, flatmates. The trouble is there are three kinds of students. The quiet, thoughtful, clever bunch who arn't really into the whole "goin' out an' gettin' smashed" thing (me), our exact polar opposites (Az), and those in between. Getting the balance of these students right in any one flat is important - way more so then gender, race, or religious beliefs. More important than are of study or how many are likely to prey on the others in their sleep.

The balance is simple: keep each group member with his fellows. Those in the middle have the luxury of fitting in with both, but as a general rule of thumb keep each with his own. Because here's a brief review of things where it doesn't go quite right.

First things first, apologise to the more delicate among you, is the piss. Certain characters - for anonymity's sake lets call him "Rob" - feel that reaching down to the flush is beneath them. Now I'm not gonna harp on about the hygiene of such things cause in that respect there really is no problem to speak of. Urine is sterile. The stench, on the other hand, is more unpleasant then leaving your cock out on the train tracks in the vain hope that the passing wheels will jack you off. This is, of course, just inconsideration which anyone could do, right? Even by someone of the computer nerdy ilk? Well...no. Whilst some of them are indeed wankers (for anonymity's sake we're going to name this guy "Rob" as well. A different Rob though), less crudely so. They are much more likely to say "OMG you havn't played Mass Effect. FAIL!"

...OK, it is still rather crude.

The point is drunken (or even non-drunken) abuse of piss (as it shall now be referred to as) is a characteristic only of the drunken students. In the same way pregnancy and bitchiness is localized only to women.

Next on my list of grievances is the thievery. If you name a kitchen utensil you can bet your prosthetic dog-testicles that I've had it stolen from me. To quote Rob: "If it's there I can use it". It's only a pity he doesn't apply the same logic to a toothbrush. Fortunately I have a way of fighting back against this, where I swipe my stuff back where I can find it and his stuff where I can't. There is another in my flat guilty of such things, but not to the same extent as Rob. "Simon", as he shall now be known, is still one to be wary of.

Then comes the condescending nature of any conversation with these people. Firstly they will ask -without fail, these exact words - "Do ya fancy comin' down the pub like?" Of course, it goes without saying that if you have the gall to reply "no" you get the standard: "Yeah, I didn't think it would be your cup of tea!" and things of that nature. It also means whenever you see them your likely to be asked the thinly veiled insult: "Been spending your day sittin' at your computer then?" I recently walked away with a wry smile on my face by telling him: "according to the anthropic principle, most likely! When you've figured it out, I'll come down the pub."

In conclusion: don't mix people like us up. Because it turns people like me into pessimists, and people like them into wankers.

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