Social Groups. Part 2.

Blogs criticising the Chav movement have been totally done to death, and a FUCK OFF HUGE filling cabinet full of various Chav articles and slang lists is available to any newpaper if they're having a slow news day and need some filler. The Sun and The Mail are especially renowned for this. So if you want an article expressing my views on Chavs, fuck off elsewhere fora while, because ya ain't getting one today.

So what poor bunch of saps deserve my wrath today? It is in fact, slow walkers.

When I finished work this afternoon, I decided to get some food and a bottle of water, to supply my body with nourishment that it needs to continue operating. It took me an entire 20 minutes to walk 50 yards down my highstreet. Thus I have to say "What the donkey punching arsefuck is going on?!" (Yeah a question mark followed by an exclamation mark. This shows how serious this is.)

The answer, my loyal readers (All 7 of you) is that half of the population of my hometown have a max speed at about 25% normal human walking speed. Often they are families with pushchairs and small children, and quite frankly this does not fucking save them. You can still walk at an acceptable speed! The pushchair, you may be suprised to know, has wheels. It cannot weigh much more than a few stone. You can push the fucker quite speedily, and thus the ordinary fellows around can get to their destination with a degree of speed.

And then, moving away from families who have some vague form of excuse, are people between the ages of 15 and 19, marching through town with their idiot buddies, in groups 9 wide, at the pace often reserved for State Funerals. Whilst a funeral procession for the entire Royal Family would amuse me beyond all possible thought, I can't be fucked with the slow speed! Why are these idiots so slow?! (There it is again!)

Quite frankly, it deserves nothing short of violence. I don't give a fuck about you and your tracksuited fuckwit droogies, or sample drum tracks you class as music, so get the fuck out of the way! There is a Facebook group entitled "I secretly want to punch slow moving people in the back of the head". I have refused to join, under the basis that this is far too mild. Pouring acidic juices down the backs of their necks. Now there is a viable option.

-Az